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ftr: i wrote this on july 28th but didn't make it public because i was going to add to it but, i haven't and oh well. it's better than nothing. updated list at the bottom.

in the past couple of weeks, we had successfully managed the following:

+ entertaining two separate house guests for lunch and dinner in one day (the thought of this would normally traumatize me).
+ a vacation away from home.
+ vacation at home.
+ getting ridiculously addicted to the hunger games series. mark's almost done with the audio for book one and i've finished reading the first two books.
+ absolutely no work (unless you wanna' count stuff around the house once we got home front he vacay).
+ finishing 75% of the craft/laundry room and having to put the rest on hold 'til this weekend.
+ being totally and consistently on top of laundry (this really baffles me).
+ full body massages for the mister and me with an actual massage bar (wow?!).
+ a pretty nasty fight with the mom-in-law one day (via. the phone feat. mark and mom-in-law).
+ a pretty nasty fight with the mom-in-law the next day (via. the phone feat. mom-in-law and me).
+ agreeing that as long as mom-in-law acts like a selfish biatch, we are not going to cater to her. at all.
+ killing our main window unit (a/c).
+ paying for all of this month's bills on top of a vacation (our bank account may read $2.63 but tomorrow is payday and it was all worth it).
+ continuing to neglect our front yard and backyard. it's embarrassing.
+ having to reschedule both of our counseling appointments to next monday.
+ killing one the succulent plant that's been clinging to life for the past eight months. one of those ones that you actually have to try hard to not keep alive. this brings a somewhat indescribable feeling of defeat.
+ a date night including really good sushi.
+ eating dessert almost every single day.
+ crying about the effects of eating dessert almost every single day.

in the past week.Collapse )
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i had to write this somewhere. it is the first time ever that i was ready to kick both mark and august out of the house and throw the diaper bag at them on the way out.

this morning was just one of those mornings. august would NOT stop talking. and it's not that i don't love that he is talking so much. it's when he asks the same question over and over or until he gets the answer the way that he wants it. and it's not whether or not it will get him a "yes" instead of a "no." he usually accepts when we say "no" to something or it doesn't take long to get him to accept and forget about it. it's the way that the answer is said.


august: is the bad guy naughty?
me: yes
august: is the bad guy naughtyyyy?
me: yes he is, august.
august: mommy! is the bad guy naughtyyy?
me: yes, august. the bad guy is naughty.

sometimes that satisfies him or it will just lead to another string of questions repeated and new.

august: mommy, why is the bad guy naughty?
me: he's just a naughty guy.
august: why is he naughty?
me: he's trying to get batman.
august: he's trying to get batmannn?
me: yes.
august: he's trying to get batmannn?
me: yes, august. he is trying to get batman.
august: why is he trying to get batman?
me: because he does not like batman.
august: he does not like batmannn?
me: no
august: he does not like batman, mommyyyy?
me: he does not like batman, august. because he is a bad guy. he wants to lock batman in jail. don't let him lock batman in jail! save batman, august!

and it can't sound too rushed or without passion or august knows. if i am lucky, he will be so satisfied with that answer that he will throw himself into playing out that scene while i finish putting my clothes on. buuut, if i don't say it just right, the string of questions will continue or he'll get mad and say, "no! don't want to save batman!" and he may throw the toy or just act grouchy about it. and then i have to stop what i am doing and explain what i am trying to do and what i need him to do and how he shouldn't behave that way.

i know he's curious as heck. and he just wants to understand and know things. and he wants our undivided attention but, when i am rushing around trying to get things in order, it can be really hard to just stop and explain things to him and give him the attention that he's wanting.

and it's so hard to say that as a mom. because you don't want to ever say that anything was more important than giving your kid attention at the moment. because, in the grand scheme of things, nothing is more important than that but, day in and day out can't always go that way. there are things that need to be done to make their lives go smoothly and ultimately satisfying.

i am sure that if august understood that if he played by himself for a bit without pulling me aside too much, he would get to go to a party with a petting zoo and snow cones all the more quicker, he'd be the one pushing me to do what i had to do without being distracted by him.

i just need to master how to answer him. i need to remind myself when i need to stop, get on my knees, and talk to him about what is going on and what i expect out of him instead of getting annoyed and impatient.

sometimes i don't take the time do that and it just makes things more stressful and probably more drawn out because i am so entrenched in wrapping a birthday present or ironing a shirt or washing the dishes.


anyway, he was giving me a string of those today while i was trying to copy directions down for the place of the party and give mark some instructions on august.

the questions wouldn't stop.

amidst mark eating his cereal and, EVERY. SINGLE. BITE. ramming his teeth into his spoon.

why do people eat like that? not only is it bad manners but it sounds awful and i don't understand how anyone can like dragging their teeth along/knocking their teeth against their silverware while they're eating.

but that's my annoying sound thing and bad table manners is one of my biggest pet peeves.

so, without wanting to sound naggy, i just sort of paused and looked at him. and it was as if he knew what he was doing so, his last few bites were silent.

i think that probably annoyed me, too. because he knew what he was doing. was he doing it on purpose for amusement because i was so tightly wound?

i shouldn't even think about that.

aside from that, i felt like mark was tending to things he didn't need to or not looking for things properly. or just not being efficient.

just as they were about to leave, mark goes, "oh, i need to brush my teeth." and while i am glad that he remembered, i was ready for him to be gone so it annoyed me. why couldn't he have done that in the shower or before he put his clothes on?

i know that people forget little things all of the time (me, especially) but he remembers he needs to brush his teeth on the way out the door often and i was not having a so great morning. plus, when he knows that i am pressured, i feel like he starts acting cheeky or smirky which annoys the hell out of me.

to mark's credit, he was sweet and did the dishes and cleaned up a bit while i was showering

but i was never before so ready to get him outta' here. and now that he is gone and i've finally had something to eat, i can write that, for the first time in five and a half years, i wanted my husband out of the house and out of my hair.

and, yes, my sweet, precious, beautiful, and wonderful toddler is totally capable of annoying the crap out of me.

but, back to mark. i guess it's interesting when you and your spouse get to that point. i never thought i would get there before most of my hair would be gray and ridiculous and i'd be in an awful flower-ey muumuu while leaning on a cane.

maybe it's the more you start to annoy each other, the more that you start to not care so, the more you start annoying each other before you're just ready to be away from each other for a period of time.

he may feel the same way.

it's a little bite sad. but, right now, that's all i gotta' say/think about that. or at least think to write.

but, i need to seize this opportunity to clean the rest of the house.

sister is paying us an unexpected visit this weekend because she has some friends from east asia that are going to be in houston for a few days.

and, of course, my house has to be gleaming.

ps: ftr: i posted this entry once before and then went back to fix something and accidentally deleted the first part of it. so, i had to stop and write it in because that would be one more thing that would annoy the crap out of me. and we can't have that.
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